Wednesday, February 17, 2010


TODAY, I will not complain about the huge vet bill I am sick to my stomach over, for two cats, in two days. I will not worry that it was most of a paycheck. I will, instead, be happy that the cat who was the worst off is SOOOO grateful to be home, and out of pain again, and the most loving cat we have ever had. And the other cat is a really nice guy, too, and so I owe it to them to take care of them, even if I feel like I can't really afford to. I can, in the long run, and I know that loving animals to a(n expensive) fault, makes up a large part of who I am, and I like that part of me.

TODAY, I will not fuss about the fact that I have made dinner two nights in a row (a feat for me - I despise cooking meals. I love baking but hate cooking. It's so...functional, practical, mundane) and no one has eaten it. I will, instead, commend myself, pat myself on the back for having made the effort, and for having food to provide my family with, if they were home, or chose to eat it or weren't off doing other unplanned but necessary things at dinner time. I will also take comfort in the realization that I have meat in the freezer - good, rich, fat-free venison with which I can make many good meals for my family.

TODAY I will not stress over my father's decline in health, but will rejoice in the fact that I have not had any angry, completely irrational phone calls from him this week when my sister has been out of town leaving only me to "handle" things. And I will rejoice in the fact that he has lived for 89 years as of tomorrow, and that for most of those years, he has been very healthy and independent.

TODAY I will not worry about how much I have not gotten done with this week off. I will not worry that my bedroom rivals something found on HOARDERS, and how not getting it under control THIS WEEK is going to totally FREAK ME OUT until my next break in late APRIL. No I won't. I will NOT worry about it. Instead, I will be thankful for the down time I've had to get the kitchen cleaned, thoroughly cleaned, including keeping up with the dishes daily, and washing the floor, and the dog mats, etc. And how much time I've had to just relax with my crocheting, as I love to do, and how fun it has been to watch the Westminster Dog Show not on purpose, but just because I was being lazy and it was on, and the dogs were GORGEOUS. Well, some were actually very ugly - like walking, floating mops. And those huge pompous poodles? Oh my gosh - ridiculous. But, the working dogs, the hounds, the herding dogs - well, it was fun to be home, to be lazy and just sit and crochet while skimming and find that on, and enjoy it.

TODAY I will not be grumpy about the fact that I have to drive an hour to see my dad again tomorrow, but will, instead, be grateful that I have had two glorious days in a row at home. I have only had to leave the house to pick up the cat from the vet yesterday, go to the grocery store once, and go out for my morning coffee twice. I am also grateful that I have, since Monday, come to realize that it is NOT the visiting my dad, nor having to drive an hour to do so, that REALLY make me grumpy. It is simply having to leave my house. I tend to be a bit of an agoraphobic. I'm not AFRAID to leave my house - I just don't LIKE to. I'm like that at work too. Once I'm there for the day, I HATE to leave to go to the post office, pick up lunch, or anything. I will do anything to avoid having to leave. I even paid my daughter once to go to the Post Office for me so that I didn't have to leave home! Yes, I AM aware of how weird I am, thanks for noticing. Really, I do know, but I'm ok with it.
I also, as at odds with this part of my personality as it is going to sound, LOVE to travel, and especially love to travel on my own to new and exciting places. So, it is just the mundane sort of errands I do not like to leave my house for, I guess!!!

TODAY I have been at peace. TOMORROW, I wil try to also be at peace. And I will try to make the world a better place for someone.

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