Saturday, July 31, 2010

I Might Be Slightly Irritated...

I wish I felt as contemplative as Patch-cat. I just spent two hours typing a very thought-heavy post on what I eat, what I should eat, why I eat what I eat, and the long way I have to go in that contemplative EATING journey, and blogger decided not to let me post it. Nor did it save it anyplace. I think I would be angry, but I don't feel like wasting the energy on anger. I think I'll go mow the lawn instead. Sigh.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Lake George

The Sagamore Resort, in Bolton Landing, as seen from the waters of Lake GeorgeNot too shabby a place for a summer conference...
A dinner cruise... really nice! We were on the top boat, the Lac Du Saint Sacrement
but the bottom boat is a slightly smaller one that passed by us on the water.The picture below it , though you can hardly tell, is a guy standing in the water, FISHING. He caught a couple, walked them back to the beach, and went back out with fresh bait on his pole. No idea what kind of fish you would catch in Lake George, especially right near where people and dogs swim?  I thought of Coloradocaster when I took that one! The kayak? Yeah, definitely more my speed. I LOVE kayaking. It's a beautiful lake. The lower pictures with the trees remind me a little bit of Lake Tahoe, but not enough that I'd rather be at Lake George. Lake Tahoe is one of the most gorgeous lakes on earth, and I'd ALWAYS rather be there. But, since I live in NY, I realize need to also enjoy and celebrate the beautiful places NY has, too. And although I don't love living in NY by a long shot, we DO have some nice places here. Lake George is one of them.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Poor Speedyroo

Speedy is now the ONLY big boy in the coop. The other three - Scareyroo the drive-by, drop-off gamecock with the nasty sharp spurs, plus Fluffy's no name twin, and Mr. Cornflakes, have all gone to the Amish.  Speedy is feeling a little lost. He's never been the Top Dog in the coop, and now he has all these ladies to take care of. He's been coming to the porch steps alone in the mornings the past few days, just looking sort of lost.  I'll think he'll grow into his shoes soon enough. He is but only 8 or 9 weeks old. Poor guy, though. His comb is floppy, which HAS to affect his feelings about himself.  I'm sure he's really questioning his manhood at this point. Mr. Cornflakes was the epitomy of the rooster on the Cornflakes box (thus, the name) - actually, Speedy's double, but with a GORGEOUS stand-up comb. I really kinda wanted to keep him. What a good looking guy to have strutting around my front yard. But, Speedy is family, and who else is gonna love the boy with the floppy comb? Without making too much fun of him within his earshot, anyway.  (Click twice on the top picture, and you can see how the comb flops over and almost covers his right eye. Poor guy!)   Oh, and those chicks I thought were my black Australorps? Nope. Silver Laced Wynadottes!  How fun!!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

There's a New Coop in Town

We've gone from this empty mess (wish I had taken a picture of it BEFORE the other bushes came down - there were bushes full in right up to the stairs which my son cut down) (Two of the ladies supervising the platform building)to this new coop for ALL my chicks...It's not anywhere near done, but it looks pretty great so far. I'm REALLY excited that it turned out so well. Can't wait to put a window box full of flowers under the window, and I think I'm going to paint it an early-American red (sort of a brownish, maroonish red?) 

The ones below are the bunch I got in mid-May (Black Australorps, Welsummers, Cuckoo Marans, a white somethingorother, one Wyandotte, one redandwhitesomethingorother, and two nifty little crowing roos, that I THOUGHT were Bantams, but aren't, because they are already bigger than the Bantams I brought home, but smaller than the laying hens of the same age. If I can't figure out what they are, I'll have to post a picture of them to see if anyone can tell me what they are.  These guys will be joining the other, temporarily-free-ranging crew that is currently outdoors - all of them in the new coop and new pen.

You can see the free ranging bunch, or some of them anyway, hanging around under the bushes to the right of the coop, watching and checking things out. They LOVE to spend their time under the bushes anyway, and if I pen that in, then I've already given them shade and their dust baths. I'll go a little way out from the bushes to give them some grass and sun, also. Perfect location.

Post-Script:  I DID figure out that the two roos I have are both Eqyptian Fayoumis. Funny, because I ordered one male on purpose, and for some reason, got two.  But, in the meantime, I have also begun thinking that the bunch that I THOUGHT were Black Australorps may not be. They are black and white, and ALL the pictures I can find of the Australorps show that they are ALL black. If you happen to know anything about chickens, and I know several of you have chickens of your own, could you click on the picture (click twice) of the smaller ones IN the pen, the 7th picture down, after the new coop pictures, and tell me what you think the black and white ones might be?

Friday, July 16, 2010

The Rhythm of Summer

What a perfect day.  It's grey and overcast, cloudy.  It's raining, slowly, gently, steadily. I'm up early because my Border Collie thinks sleep is a wasted activity. ( Poor thing. I let her out at 11:30 last night, and she promptly went and lay down under the big Maple in the back yard. It's just too hot to sleep in our room, it seems.)  I'm glad she gets me up by 7, because then I can enjoy early mornings and my coffee, and today, the rain. I would not get myself up that early, left to my own devices in the summer time, and I am often tempted to grumble at her, but she's just too darn excited to be alive and to get going on another day, that I can't. I find I'm actually grateful for my yippy little alarm clock.
Monday through Thursday, I have to be up at school by 8:15 or so, and I work with 4 students from 8:30 - 10:30. I enjoy it. I enjoy them. Summer school has a pace and a feel altogether different from the regular school year. Three of these kids are not kids I worked with last year, and one is. The one I have been teaching for a solid year on this reading program is just not making a lot of progress, so it is tempting sometimes to be discouraged, to feel like the program itself does not work. But seeing the progress the other three have made, is very encouraging. They ARE learning, the program DOES work, and I AM playing a huge part in teaching dyslexic children how to read. I am impacting the future of these kids. A good place to be, professionally, after too many years in the remedial field, feeling like I was simply spinning my wheels because I didn't KNOW what to do. AND, it has made me realize that my one little chickie who ISN"T making any progress is really struggling with many more issues than simply an inability to read. I don't know what her issues are, and I will keep pushing away at it with her, but I have been able this summer to see her more clearly, and suddenly, I am not angry with her, or the program, or myself anymore. She is being tested this fall as soon as school starts for learning disabilities, and other issues, so I'll know more then. For now, though, she is at least treading water and I've learned that that can be enough for the month of July.
     Once I'm done at school, I usually come home around 11, spend a little time on the computer, eat my lunch, and then begin tackling something around the house. My major project for the summer has been a desire to make my bedroom a sanctuary for sleep again, rather than the store room for everyone's outgrown clothes, extra blankets, bags of stuffed animals no longer cuddled with, etc. The major thing to deal with is, we just have TOO. MUCH. STUFF.  But after having cleaned out my dad's house, the decisions here about what to hang onto and what to get rid of seemed so much easier. So, I've had NO PROBLEM finding "50 things" (earlier post) to throw away.  I'm not even counting. I've bagged up an entire huge garbage bag full of extra sheets, another of extra blankets, several bags of clothes, stuffed animals, etc. It's coming along. It's not there yet, not completely, but it is significantly and noticeably better, and I feel lighter when I enter my room. It's a good feeling.  I'm even contemplating cleaning off the bookshelves in the hall, and making the hall really nice and clean and organized too. Then, there are the daily things to contend with some afternoons - laundry, dishes, waste basket emptying, dinner to fix, lawn to mow.  I usually take a little break about 4:30 when the house starts filling with people again at the end of their day.  Then, dinner, dishes, sometimes a little more work or else Fox News and Bill O'Reilly. Usually, I'm ready to head up to bed by 9, to read and relax and let the fans do their work to cool off the heat of the day, before sleep by 9:30 or 10.  I feel SO much more rested and relaxed than I do between September 1st and June 30th. Oh, wait, that's why it's called vacation, huh? :)
     Fridays have their own rhythms. Today, for example. I don't have to be at school on Fridays, so I can get up, drink my coffee, read quietly while three of the dogs just lay around at my feet. Bramble, of course, has to have a filled Kong, or a chew bone, or be let out. She does not know the meaning of relax and could no more lay here quietly, dozing or snoozing, than the man in the moon.  She'd rather be out in the rain on a day like today than laying here dry and quiet. Today, both my boys are home, and still sleeping. Neither has to work on Friday. Normally my 15 year old would still be sleeping, too, but she is off for a camping weekend in the Thousand Islands with a friend, so it is just the boys and I.  They, too, have to be up early for work over the summer, most days, so I like it when they can sleep in like normal teenagers on a day here and there.  Today will be a fold the laundry, vacuum, clean the tubs kind of day. Just a catch up day. I need to go see my dad, too. I have not had a car this week or last, so I have not seen him in way too long for a clear conscience.
     I like that the summer afternoons are quiet, and hot, and the waves of heat and humidity roll and shimmer across the front lawn like organized ripples in a pond. I love the sound the cicadas make, humming to themselves to keep cool high up in the leafy branches all afternoon. I love that the cricket choruses begin in early evenings, just before dark.  I even love the rain today, even though it will not do much to cool things down. Summer has settled over me here like a comfort. I hear and feel it's rhythms, and my own have slowed to match them, and we are in sync for awhile.
     I have much to do, much to accomplish still this summer, but I'm on my way, and confident, that with the way summer has organized itself around me, that I will get to much of it. I don't feel pushed or compelled or anxious. What gets done will,  and if it doesn't, oh well. THAT is the beauty of summer. (Of course, ask me on or around, say, the 20th of August, when school is in sight, if I STILL feel that complacent about unfinished projects. I dare say I might feel a little more frantic by that point... )  July is a luxury month. I don't have to worry about anything in July. June has just finished, and I still have August, so September is just way too far away to worry about yet. I love the rhythm of summer, especially in July!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Who Said the Best Things in Life are Free?

Two small cones = $13.00
I had a scoop of Coconut Seven Layer Bar, and some Dulce somethingorother with crunchy caramel clusters in it. Both yummy.
(If I had been alone, and no one would have known, I would have gone back for another scoop - this one of Chocowlate Chip. How fun is that - vanilla ice cream with chocolate fudge cows in it?!)
"How I spent my summer vacation: Eating Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, while growing poor(er) and fat(ter), but deliciously happy all at the same time."

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I Confess, I'm Addicted...

...   to coffee mugs.
They MEAN things to me. Important things. It's not JUST about drinking coffee, you know.

When I am drinking my morning coffee out of these mugs, it means it is officially summer vacation for me. Or, rather, I don't DRINK out of these mugs until it IS summer vacation for me. It's not allowed. I have to drink out of this mug
the one with the sunflowers at the top. Yep, I'm about to reveal one of my many ... strange and lovable quirks (um, some might refer to it as something less desirable, less, uh, cute... like some form of insanity, or some form of mental defect, that it could matter so much what coffee cup to use, but don't listen to them)
OK, so the mugs at the top, I got at the Dollar Store once upon a time, who knows how long ago, and they quickly became the epitomy of summer for me, with their bright colors and flowers. Not only do they make me happy in the morning, but I also get to decide, do I feel like it's a blue day, or a yellow day or a pink day or an orange day today? Did you know days, and feelings, have colors you can see, and feel? Yep.They do.
 I put those mugs away during the winter, because they are clearly NOT winter mugs. It wouldn't feel right to drink coffee out of those when it is cold and snowy outside. Those are only for front or side porch summer coffee drinking.
Now, the one below it, with the sunflowers? That was a Dollar Store purchase too. I love sunflowers. But for some reason, it is ok for me to drink my coffee out of that one in June, when the weather is warm, and nice, and SUMMER (please, I'm a teacher. Do NOT confuse summer, the season, with SUMMER, my vacation!) is right around the corner. If it feels like summer, and looks like summer, but I still have to go to work, then it's that mug, not the top ones.
The one next to it says something like "If your dog thinks you are the greatest person in the world, don't seek a second opinion."  One of my best friends gave that to me, with the directions in it for how to make an individual microwave mini chocolate cake in the mug. The mug is special because it came from her, has dogs on it, and I can make chocolate cake in it. What a combination. Oh, and yeah, I can drink coffee from it too, and think of her, chocolate, and dogs, all at the same time!
Minnesota on the left; Maine on the right. I actually don't like drinking coffee out of the Irish Pub one, too heavy and bulky, but I bought it because I had THE. BEST. TIME. EVER. (ok, well, one of them) in this pub in Minneapolis while on a summer conference trip with a bunch of friends from school. GREAT music there. We weren't able to get out of the city on that trip, so although I can say I've been to Minnesota, unfortunately, I haven't seen the lakes and all that I would have liked to. All I can say is, if I ever had to go back, I would definitely go to Kieran's Irish Pub. A great memory. And the loon on the Maine mug brings back tons of Maine memories. Lakes with loons, a cabin with my parents on a lake so clear you could see the rocks and fish at the bottom even in the middle of the lake. Kayaking with my kids on a Maine lake. Blueberry season, dogsledding in winter, coast, mountains, etc.etc. I love Maine. I love thinking of Maine. I usually use that mug a lot in August, which is when I always went to Maine (except for dogsledding. That was in March. But there are other mugs for that, more suited for THOSE memories,specifically)
Rooster mug - a recent Dollar General acquisition to further enhance my morning coffee,  mornings spent with my chickens. New love, chickens. New mug. Cardinal? Nice pottery mug from a little independent pottery store near me. Cardinal is because my mom LOVED cardinals, and so every time we see one, now that she has passed away, we think of her. I got one for my dad, too, but he seldom drank out of it. I know he misses my mom more than anybody, but he seems to be lacking the gene for coffee mug connections. Anyway, I seldom drink from that one, but sometimes, in the winter, when I have a day when I am really missing my mom, it is the perfect mug. And I almost always end up seeing a brilliant flash of red in my back yard, stark contrast to the white, on that day. We have a pair of cardinals who nest nearby. I hear them often, see them less. But, almost without fail, if I use that mug, I see one.

Moose's Brew. Cool mug, large, cool shape. Saw in every store in Anchorage. Told myself I DID NOT NEED ANOTHER COFFE MUG. Bought in anyway in Homer.  Makes me laugh at myself. Mug next to it is a Dahla Horse Mug, an icon of my Swedish upbringing. I only use it at Christmas time, which is when I drag out my Swedish Dahla horse, and my straw goats, and my Tomten books. I love that part of my heritage, and love to be reminded of it at that time of year.   "Life is Good" mug. Very heavy, very small inside. Good for hot cocoa, not coffee. Doesn't hold enough.  But I LOVE the "Life is Good" marketing - what a great thought to start EVERY day with. Life IS good. And, it has a dog on it, so I love it. The dark blue one is one of my VERY favorites. I bought it at Jon Van Zyle's very own personal house in Eagle River, Alaska, after spending an afternoon there with Jona (his wife) and him. We toured his kennels, saw his paintings, watched his wife make jewelry, and I drank the BEST cup of coffee out of some expensive coffeemake rimported from Europe at his house I have ever had, bar none. And that mug NEVER fails to retrieve those memories for me. Sometimes I have to put it away. It brings back TOO much of a trip that I wish were more a part of my life, and to look around me sometimes and realize that it was just a slice of another life that is not mine is, once in awhile, too much for me. In general, I love memories of places I have been. But I often grow restless, and wish that I could do more than visit. I wish I could LIVE different lives, or pieces of them, in different places, rather than having settled ten miles from where I lived my whole young life. No worries, but just thoughts for another day!

Mug my oldest son brought home for me from his trip to Ireland. Hand made pottery. Tells me it was very expensive, which is perfect for him. He is my child to whom money saved means nothing. If you have money in your pocket today, and want to buy something today, then buy it, and let tomorrow take care of itself. NOT my financial plan, and it makes me weep with frustration for him, but on the other hand, it is nice to know that if he spares no expense on himself, he also is generous to a fault for others as well. He saw this mug, KNEW I would like it and want it, and, brought it home for me, the perfect souvenier from a country I long to visit someday. I love how the inside of the mug has swirls in it, and I love how the handle has a flat,straight piece sticking out across the top, not just a "normal" rounded mug handle.
My favorite, favorite mug. Hand made. Bought in a tiny store in Homer on the spit. Rough surface where the raven is. Blue, one of my two favorite colors of all time, and the color that I most feel when I am in need of coffee (not, as in, I feel BLUE, like sad, just I feel BLUE, like the color - I'll explain that some other time. I think it even has a name, when you can assign colors to feelings and things, but i can't remember it now) And it has ravens on it. Need I say more? ok, sure, then, I will. Ravens are cool birds. They cluck, they squawk, they steal dogfood from bowls, they sit on top of lampposts, and roofs, and make noise and are just really, really nifty birds.  I love them. I wish we had more of them here. Generally, we have crows, which I also like, and very very occasionally, I will hear a raven. In our patch of woods we own, 20 miles from where I live, I am sometimes lucky enough to hear a pair of ravens. But I digress. This is my favorite mug. A favorite mug is an important thing to have, I think.If you are one of those people who just grab any old mug that is clean, and within reach, without giving any thought to what your coffee will taste like in it, or what you feel like that morning, please don't tell me. I don't think I could handle knowing most people don't give their coffee mugs a passing thought in the morning.
OK, so I don't have a lot of addictions; I can live with this one.
The only other one that might rival it? Tshirts. Yeah, I'm just as bad about collecting meaningful T-shirts. The good thing is, with both my addictions, I can at least USE them.
My aunt collected decorative spoons.
What do you do with those?

Friday, July 9, 2010

Oh No, Not Again?!

Damn. It happened again. And I am so torn. Yep, another kitten "found" us. Why? Why do they find US? Why can't they find some other sap? And why, why, why aren't we the kind of people who can walk away from it, and hope and pray someone ELSE will take it home? Why does it have to be US?
My daughter called from a gas station ten miles away the other night, and before she even said more than, "Moooommmm?????" I knew. I heard it meowing pitifully, and loudly. I knew it. Did I tell her NO? No. Of course not. Did I say "yes"? No, but by NOT saying no, I DID say yes, and there's no need to even pretend I didn't. Do I WANT another cat? ABSOLUTELY NOT. We have 6. We had 7, and Gracie, who looked eerily similar to this kitten, died not that long ago, and there's still a hole I don't WANT filled. I miss Gracie - she was special. And, there's the practical. Another cat means another animal to take to the vet for shots, to be spayed, in case of illness. One of the cats we have cost me over $400.00 this spring to have abscessed teeth removed. What could I do? Not pay it, and let her be in pain, or starve to death because she couldn't eat? Of course not. But did I HAVE $400. to spend on a cat's teeth? Of course not.
And so, it begins again. The dilemma. At least for me. My kids have no such problems, because they just see a kitten in need of rescuing. And there is a part of my heart that is glad I have raised kids who would not turn their backs on a clearly abandoned animal. Oh, they know better than to ask to bring an animal home, like when the neighbor's dog just recently had puppies. With 4 dogs, 6 cats, and my own silly menagerie of chickens, we don't NEED, nor can we really take care of, fairly, another animal voluntarily. We DON"T live on a farm - we live in the middle of town. Just like with kids, I know my limit with animals. It reassures me that I do, because it means I won't be one of those crazy animal hoarder people who mean well, but keep taking in more animals than they can take care of, until they have 57 cats living in their house and dirty disgusting cans of half eaten cat food lying around. Gross. But, seriously, 6 cats sometimes seems unnecessary, and truly, not all 6 were even by choice.
And if we keep this one, making it 7 again, IT would not be by choice.
AND - I found a home for it, where it will be loved and adored, and where I am going to have to take it.
she really IS cute. And purry. And cuddly. And grateful to be rescued. And it's HARD to be practical and have a hard heart when you know everyone in your home is going to hate you for it.
And when she's got that little pumpkin colored stripe on the back of her head, just like Gracie did.
And when she looks so darn cute sticking her head into my coffee and tea mugs.
But...I don't WANT another I?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Sometimes You Have to Clean House to Find Your Blessings

When I start wallowing, I realize it's time to do two things - clean, and count my blessings. Yes, I still want to run away to Alaska. I'm not really sure THAT will ever leave me, and although the urge is strong, when I'm feeling down, to think everything in the world is better there (in Alaska, the grass is ALWAYS greener, even when it is covered by three feet of snow and is 20 below!), I really do just love Alaska. So it isn't JUST about the urge to run away... I ALWAYS want to go to Alaska, ALWAYS want to move there. And it is harder for me right now, because I love summer in AK. I've been lucky enough to have been there a few times in summer, as well as winter, and although I definitely love winter because of the dogsledding, it is just beautiful there in the summer. This time of year is when it tugs really hard on my heart when I can't go and there are no trips planned in the foreseeable future. Made worse, too, this week, by my brother's admission that he is going back in September. Lucky bum. His time is his own, he has no kids to put through college, and the fishing is good in September. AND - he's going to Homer, which is, quite possibly, the most gorgeous little place on God's green earth. But, hey, oh well.  I've been there. It's beautiful. I have permanent pictures in my mind. That in itself is one of my blessings I need to remember. Some people have simply not been that lucky. I have. Blessing counted!
     Other blessings that come readily to mind this introspective morning - I love, love, love watching my chickens on the front lawn. I KNOW they drive my neighbors crazy, I know it is a little bit weird, but I just get so much peace from watching them go about their daily business. They are fun. They have SO divided themselves according to "pecking order."  The three original ladies were adopted by the driveby-drop off rooster, so the 4 of them are always together. The two black Americaunas - a hen I raised, and a rooster a friend raised from the same bunch and gave back to me, paired up immediately, and can always be found together. And then two gorgeous orange and grey Americaunas she gave me back, the last two to join, are also never apart, but never with the other ones, either. And they are the lowest of the chicken food chain - they are the last to get to eat, or drink, and the last to get any scraps.  The other 6 hold them at bay. Yesterday morning, I was sitting on my front porch, drinking coffee, eating toast, reading a book, and Butterscotch, one of my three original ladies from last year, jumped up on my lap and started pulling toast out of my hands. What's not to make you smile about that?! And Sparrow, my favorite, is such a GOOD cuddler. Any time I'm feeling a little low, I go out, pick her up, and snuggle her. She settles right in, puts her head down on my arm, and goes to sleep while I rub her soft, downy underneathe feathers. I think everyone should own a chicken or two. It would make the world a better place.
     The weather has sunnied itself up again. Although it is hot, and muggy, I have decided it is infinitely preferable to last week's bone-chiling cold, for July.  I'm appreciating it.
     I am reading a really enjoyable book, Coop, by Michael Perry. It's just a slice of someone's country life, it's joys and struggles, and I can identify with so much of it that it is a genuine pleasure to read. That's always a plus in my life - I read so much that when I stumble across a really good book, I feel like I've won the lottery.  I don't know that a lot of people would love it, but I do.
     I am taking my daughters shopping tomorrow. I'm not really much of a shopper, and generally taking them is not high on my list of fun things to do (I'd rather walk across hot coals), because they argue, they fight over where I have to go with which one of them, they grumble when they don't find what they want. It's just usually a pain. But tomorrow, I am actually looking forward to it. After finishing the last couple of weeks of school, then spending the first week of my vacation hurriedly cleaning out my parents house with my sister and brother, I feel like getting out. I don't need to buy anything, I just need to look at bright colors, lots of people, eat food someone else has made for me. And then I will be more than happy to come back home and stay put for awhile. Like, for the rest of the summer!

So, as an addendum, I didn't finish counting my blessings. I've been too busy living the other part - cleaning. I have decided to totally weed out the extra "stuff" in my life that is simply not necessary. My mind, heart, and soul are all just lighter, and free-er when life is simple and uncluttered. We dropped off two full boxes of my daughters' jeans yesterday at a clothes drop box. That felt good. I have decided there is no need for two quilt racks in my bedroom, or an old antique spool table of my aunt's that is broken, etc. etc. I did take the girls on a marathon shopping trip yesterday. We all picked up just a few bargains, and came home exhausted, but happy. That will do me for, well, like I said, the rest of the summer. I'm just not much of a clothes shopper. I hate malls. AND, best of all, it was the final little kick I needed yesterday to change my eating and exercising habits - I'm tired of clothes not fitting, tired of the sizes I need to look at, can't STAND to look at my shape (?) in the dressing room mirrors, etc. I had a salad for dinner, and a slice of veggie pizza.  Summer school started this morning, and I have 4 little cherubs to work with, one on one, 30 ,minutes each, on their individualized reading program. Despite the heat, it flew past, and I'm home, with an afternoon stretched ahead of me to work on more cleaning, and I think I might even sneak in a nap.
From very empty feeling a few days ago, with the heat and the sun and a new attitude, I am feeling very FULL of blessings today.
     And, I've decided I want to learn to fish this summer!  :)  I haven't set the rest of my summer goals yet, but I definitely want to fish.

Friday, July 2, 2010

I am Moving to Alaska

Probably not. But I need to. Now. Soon. Like tomorrow.
If not, I might move to Scotland.
And if I can't do that, either, then I will run away.
Not sure where to, but the whole point is not to be found, so I won't be able to tell, you if I do, where I am!
This week has been too much.
My life, lately, has been too much.
The ONLY way I know how to cope, mentally, is to think about running away.
Ands the only place I REALLY want to live is Alaska, so it kinda makes sense, if I'm going to run away, to go there.
But it's a big place.
Don't come looking for me!