Sunday, April 18, 2010
"May You Live an Interesting Life"...AKA "Dream Big and Dare to Fail"
I heard that wished for someone once, and it has never left me. "An interesting life" That is something that I hope I can sit back and say about my own life when all is said and done. That's really important to me. No, wait, let me rephrase that. It's absolutely, positively ESSENTIAL to me. I can not BEAR the thought of that not being true. And I'm not about to sit around and wait for life to happen TO me. I am more than willing to go find it, but right now, I'm wondering where. Where do I need to go? What do I need to be? For how long? It's all very complicated for me, by me, maybe, or simply by life's circumstances. I'm thinking lately. A lot. I think it's too hard to explain, even to myself, in one sitting, so I have decided just to post some thoughts, and come back to them when I have some new insight or moment of clarity. Assuming that will happen.
Another quote that has defined me for the past few years is one by an arctic adventurer (yeah, go figure - my hereos are mushers and arctic adventurers...), Norman Vaughn. He said, "Dream big and dare to fail." My dreams have never seemed particularly big - and I don't know how I feel about that. Do they need to be bigger? Do they just need to be more defined? Do I even have any? Is dare to fail" part down just fine. Several things I've done, and "accomplished" in the past few years have had a high chance for failure. I guess it is the fact that they also had an equally high chance of success that led me onward. And both occurred. I feel like it might just be true that in my life, at least, there is no great success without a little bit of failure. I can live with that as long as what remains when all is said and done is the success. So at least I guess I can take comfort, a little, in the fact that I'm not afraid of failure. I just need to clarify what my dreams, or goals, are - and then do all the prerequisite foot work that goes with having dreams.
I love most of my life right now. I love raising my kids, love being owned by a feisty, energetic Border Collie and three other dogs, love raising chickens, growing things in my garden, planting perennials that come back every year, finding new important things to plant, like saskatoonberries and elderberries this year. I love reading, and sewing, and working on quilts and crocheting afghans for my children. I love my morning coffee and thinking and sleeping late and going to bed early because my children don't need me to get up at 5 am anymore. I really do love my life. But it's missing something. It's missing adventure, and I can't stand that. And, if adventures and goals are not the same, then I need to figure that out too. I think I need BOTH in my life, and both are missing right now. There is something comforting about being able to drift from day to day and get by - for awhile. But it's not "an interesting life" and I so need it to be.