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Wednesday, May 7, 2014
49 Days AND COUNTING
| I love this time of year, when these are the things that start showing up in my inbox at work. If we are already planning for NEXT year, then clearly, THIS year must be almost done? Yes? Yes! 49 days until June 24th, which is not officially my last day, but it IS the last day for kids, which really is all that counts. After all, school without kids is not work at all! | |||||
| To: |
Teachers PRE_K _2, Teachers 3_6
Last Library Book Exchange Days will be June 10 -12 for this year.
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| ||||
Faculty Meeting Agenda
·
United Way – Presentation
·
Resource presentation – Ms. C &; Mr.
C
·
35 week progress reports due May 16th
at 8 am
·
Last day of scheduled classes 7-12 June 16th.
·
Main Office copier
·
Field trips; paperwork
·
Dates for events for the calendar for 2014-15
School Year
·
Questions/concerns/issues
********************************************************************
| |||||
| To: |
Teachers Group and Admin
| ||||
Please update this school supply list for next year so we can put it in the school newsletter.
I would like it back by May 16th.
(See attached file: school supplies.docx)
I would like it back by May 16th.
(See attached file: school supplies.docx)
Monday, May 5, 2014
The Cat Returns (and the Chickens, too)
Karma shines. Though I'm a bit mad. But I'll get over the mad part and go with the good part. The vet bill for Katie-cat's teeth was estimated by my vet (a year and a half ago when I first took her in to check on the oral surgery) to range between $600-$1,000. That cost is what prohibited me from having it done for too long. So, finally when I couldn't take the guilt anymore, and I take her in, they end up pulling all her teeth, and the bill? Only $423.00. OK, so I'm ecstatic that it wasn't anywhere near as costly as they predicted. However, had I known it was only going to be around that amount, or "under $500.00"), I WOULD have done it much sooner, and she would not have had to suffer for this long. But, I'm not going to dwell on that. I can't change what is, and the important thing is, I DID do the right thing, finally, and was rewarded for that by not having to mortgage the house. She is doing REALLY well. I kept her contained in our bathroom for a little bit, but less than 12 hours after having every single tooth in her head removed (or, rather, the few that were actually left, since many had already rotted and fallen out - why DID that happen, anyway?), she was up, wobbling around, asking for food and purring up a storm when I patted her head. She ate, despite the pain, a half a can of canned, nasty smelling wet cat food, and would have eaten more, had the vet not cautioned me about introducing canned food too quickly to her and causing gastrointestinal problems. She ate the other half the next morning. She got 4 intravenous shots, through Saturday night, and then, somehow, she's supposed to be free of pain from that point on. (I wonder what cat they asked that of, to determine that 48 hours is all they are in pain?) I am now looking forward, strongly, to the sweet, sweet cat I know she is, and has been all along, and to being able to return her affection without gagging at the scent of her. I think Karma, if certainly not the sun, is shining strongly today.
On the chicken front, two more chickens were returned to their coop last night, after being found wandering aimlessly in our front yard. So, with one confirmed dead, one injured and still laying in the dog cage in my kitchen, and three returned to their coop, I think I am now able to account for all of them. Or 99% of them. It's hard to count when they all move around so much. Both my little Egyptian Fayoumi roos had escaped and both were returned. That, too, makes me very happy. Scrappy little things that think they are physically much bigger than they actually are. They are a joy to watch with the many, many hens they have to boss around. Or think they boss around.They have finally started their silly little attempt at crowing, too. One of the things I like best about them, that breed, is that the males usually start crowing early, as early as 5 or 6 weeks. Mine appear to be a bit delayed, my little Special Ed roosters, as they are now going on 10 or 11 weeks, but it is still much earlier than a full-sized rooster would crow. It sounds a little rusty, like a rooster with a sore throat, or one trying to squawk into a large tin can. But, to me, music to my ears. I don't know that the neighbors will agree, but, they can't complain too much. They get all the free eggs they can eat, once the girls start laying!
 |
| Abai guarding "Winky," the (temporary) house (now porch) chicken |
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Of Dogs and Cats and Chickens
 |
| Abai, the Golden, age 12 |
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| Anvik, Alaskan Husky, age 9 |
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| Willow, curled up on her orthopedic mat in front of the heater, with her best cat friend Tequila |
AND, today, the stray cat we took in a few years back (because the scummy neighbors who adopted her as a kitten moved a year later and left her behind) went to have oral surgery. Yes. ALL her teeth have now been removed due to rotting - no idea why. Bad genes, apparently. I have put it off for two years because I could not make myself pay the thousand dollars it was quoted as likely going to cost me. After two years, though, I could no longer stand to watch her shake herself in pain when a piece of dry food got caught between her teeth, and she didn't even have the ability to eat soft food without pain. She would just lick the gravy and could not seem to eat the mush part and was losing weight, and her breath stunk so badly you couldn't stand to have her near you. Unfortunately, she is the lovey-est cat who simply LIVES to be near you and to love you, and the guilt was killing me. Everyone I know tells me how absolutely ridiculous it is to pay a thousand dollars for a cat's teeth. A cat I didn't even really want, or love. And while I agree, it IS ridiculous, I also wonder, really, what are my choices. I could not ask the vet to put her down. There is nothing health-wise wrong with her. I could not bring myself to ask anyone to shoot her, although that was the most often recommended advice of people. Finally, I just decided to suck it up, use my savings and try to make it up somehow by cutting from some other areas until I get it put back. Yes, it's dumb and I hate that I had to do it. I wish I were somehow a little harder inside. But, I'm not. And maybe there will be some karma someday for having done it. Maybe Katie cat will save my life someday. Or something.
So, the week isn't full enough of animal care - and the accompanying financial pain! - but last night, I find I've lost a couple of chickens to, likely, Miss Anvik the noted chicken killer (not her fault they ended up in her back yard) but that Bramble, my Border Collie, managed to save one and herd her to me at the back door. That story, or what I think is the story, is actually pretty funny, but I'll save that for another post. For now, I have a crippled chicken living in my kitchen. I hope it's temporary. And no, I'm NOT taking this one to the vet, no matter what. I love my chickens, probably far more than Katie-cat, but I am NOT spending vet money to make her well. She can live in a cage and be a, well, a, I don't know, a front porch chicken, or something, the rest of her life, if she has to. Not a house chicken (though she does seem to be pretty happy laying on a lap...) and I am NOT spending money to make her uncrippled if she doesn't manage to do that on her own. She will just have to get over it. That's all there is to it! Go ahead, call me heartless, I just don't care.
 |
| Poor thing - unlike the dogs and cats, she has no name...... |
 |
| Perhaps I could make some money off this bird to put towards my current "animal sanctuary" - she seems to be absorbing much from the EMT textbook... the first Chicken EMT??? |
Sunday, April 27, 2014
It's Time for Rehab Again :)
Sugar rehab. Diet and lifestyle rehab. It begins tomorrow, again. I actually began a new way of eating back in November, for medical reasons, and did pretty well, despite the intrusions of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve. But January first, I got serious about it. I did thirty one days with NO SUGAR. No artificial sweeteners. No natural sugars, even, like Maple syrup or honey. Nothing except the natural sugar found in fruits.
In addition, I got rid of all grains, all dairy products, all potatoes and rice, all fast foods, and processed foods. For 31 days I ate "clean." For 31 days, I ate nothing but fresh fruits, vegetables, meats/seafood, eggs, and nuts. And my body LOVED me for it. From its beginnings back in November, which was when I first gave up most of that, most of the time, until the end of January, I lost 20 pounds without exercising a lick. Just from changing my diet. And, it's a "diet" that isn't a diet - it's really a lifestyle change for me. One I can live with forever, because I LIKE the things I can eat, and - except for sugar - do not really miss the things I can't. And, medically, it has helped, as much as I had hoped it would. But in it's purest form, it is strict. When I'm not intentionally rehabbing my body, I will eat dried fruits like raisins, cranberries, etc. and will use honey or maple syrup and dark, dark chocolate (more than 70% cacao) to create treats for myself, and oddly enough, once you get rid of the sugar, those things are plenty sweet enough, even though if I were to have eaten them back a year ago, they would not have tasted sweet to me then.
But, lately, it seems I have been slipping more and more: "there's no meat already cooked, and the scalloped potatoes and ham look really good"..... "there are no veggies cooked, but that bag of salt and vinegar chips wouldn't hurt just once"..... "I haven't had ice cream in soooooo long......" and before I know it, I'm eating like crap again, and I don't feel good, nor do I feel good about myself, and the weight loss is at a standstill. Amazing it is ONLY at a standstill, and not inching back up again. So far. But that wouldn't last, I'm sure.
So... for awhile I kept telling myself come May 1, I would do another "Whole 30," the strict part of eating the way I now eat, for another 30 days. Finally, after my laziness this morning allowed me to use artificial sweetened flavored creamer in my coffee because I was just too lazy to mix up the coconut milk/coconut oil/egg/vanilla concoction I use, I decided I was not going to wait until Thursday. I'm starting tomorrow, Monday. A fresh week, a fresh start, jumping back on the wagon.
Coffee creamer was the last straw, because that was the absolute HARDEST thing for me to give up, out of EVERYTHING. I love my morning coffee with flavored creamer in it, and I could find absolutely NO substitute that was allowed that even came close. In January, I had to drink it black for 30 days - that's all that's allowed, and I swear, that was very nearly my breaking point, even before sugar. It made me SAD to drink my coffee black, because I LOVED my morning coffee before that, and I do not like black coffee. But, once that was done, I did try the coconut milk mix and, after a month of black, I decided that was ok. I didn't love it at first, but I came to, eventually. It's a creamer with no sugar that I can live with, and still happily enjoy my morning coffee again. But in allowing myself to slip back to flavored creamer this morning, I'm afraid if I don't get ahold of myself now, that will be my undoing, my "slippery slope," my "gateway drug." I have read that sugar is, to the brain, every bit as addicting as meth. While it obviously does not begin to compare in effects to that horrible drug, I do believe the analogy. And it also makes me wonder why sugar is in so much of what we eat - I found it in nearly everything, once I started reading labels: mayonnaise, salad dressings, meats like bacon and lunch meats, chicken bouillon cubes, milk. It is unbelievable.
But I have some new recipes to try, and like I said, I don't mind the things I can eat. I love vegetables, and fruits, and raw nuts. I don't like milk much to begin with, don't like cheese, do miss yogurt and ice cream, but.... oh well. I love my banana pancakes, and pumpkin pancakes, found sugar free bacon, and have come to tolerate water as an ok drink. I love that I've lost 20 pounds, and look forward to trying to rid myself of another 20 between now and the end of June, even if it means I actually have to do some walking to move the next bunch. At least it is nicer weather to do that now than it would have been last fall. And, best of all, it HAS had the health benefits I had hoped (i.e. it lowered my cholesterol significantly without having to be on statin drugs, which I hated), so in the long run, I think kicking white sugar and white flour is well worth what I HOPE will be a healthier life. It's all a crap shoot, I know, but... I'm trying.
In addition, I got rid of all grains, all dairy products, all potatoes and rice, all fast foods, and processed foods. For 31 days I ate "clean." For 31 days, I ate nothing but fresh fruits, vegetables, meats/seafood, eggs, and nuts. And my body LOVED me for it. From its beginnings back in November, which was when I first gave up most of that, most of the time, until the end of January, I lost 20 pounds without exercising a lick. Just from changing my diet. And, it's a "diet" that isn't a diet - it's really a lifestyle change for me. One I can live with forever, because I LIKE the things I can eat, and - except for sugar - do not really miss the things I can't. And, medically, it has helped, as much as I had hoped it would. But in it's purest form, it is strict. When I'm not intentionally rehabbing my body, I will eat dried fruits like raisins, cranberries, etc. and will use honey or maple syrup and dark, dark chocolate (more than 70% cacao) to create treats for myself, and oddly enough, once you get rid of the sugar, those things are plenty sweet enough, even though if I were to have eaten them back a year ago, they would not have tasted sweet to me then.
But, lately, it seems I have been slipping more and more: "there's no meat already cooked, and the scalloped potatoes and ham look really good"..... "there are no veggies cooked, but that bag of salt and vinegar chips wouldn't hurt just once"..... "I haven't had ice cream in soooooo long......" and before I know it, I'm eating like crap again, and I don't feel good, nor do I feel good about myself, and the weight loss is at a standstill. Amazing it is ONLY at a standstill, and not inching back up again. So far. But that wouldn't last, I'm sure.
So... for awhile I kept telling myself come May 1, I would do another "Whole 30," the strict part of eating the way I now eat, for another 30 days. Finally, after my laziness this morning allowed me to use artificial sweetened flavored creamer in my coffee because I was just too lazy to mix up the coconut milk/coconut oil/egg/vanilla concoction I use, I decided I was not going to wait until Thursday. I'm starting tomorrow, Monday. A fresh week, a fresh start, jumping back on the wagon.
Coffee creamer was the last straw, because that was the absolute HARDEST thing for me to give up, out of EVERYTHING. I love my morning coffee with flavored creamer in it, and I could find absolutely NO substitute that was allowed that even came close. In January, I had to drink it black for 30 days - that's all that's allowed, and I swear, that was very nearly my breaking point, even before sugar. It made me SAD to drink my coffee black, because I LOVED my morning coffee before that, and I do not like black coffee. But, once that was done, I did try the coconut milk mix and, after a month of black, I decided that was ok. I didn't love it at first, but I came to, eventually. It's a creamer with no sugar that I can live with, and still happily enjoy my morning coffee again. But in allowing myself to slip back to flavored creamer this morning, I'm afraid if I don't get ahold of myself now, that will be my undoing, my "slippery slope," my "gateway drug." I have read that sugar is, to the brain, every bit as addicting as meth. While it obviously does not begin to compare in effects to that horrible drug, I do believe the analogy. And it also makes me wonder why sugar is in so much of what we eat - I found it in nearly everything, once I started reading labels: mayonnaise, salad dressings, meats like bacon and lunch meats, chicken bouillon cubes, milk. It is unbelievable.
But I have some new recipes to try, and like I said, I don't mind the things I can eat. I love vegetables, and fruits, and raw nuts. I don't like milk much to begin with, don't like cheese, do miss yogurt and ice cream, but.... oh well. I love my banana pancakes, and pumpkin pancakes, found sugar free bacon, and have come to tolerate water as an ok drink. I love that I've lost 20 pounds, and look forward to trying to rid myself of another 20 between now and the end of June, even if it means I actually have to do some walking to move the next bunch. At least it is nicer weather to do that now than it would have been last fall. And, best of all, it HAS had the health benefits I had hoped (i.e. it lowered my cholesterol significantly without having to be on statin drugs, which I hated), so in the long run, I think kicking white sugar and white flour is well worth what I HOPE will be a healthier life. It's all a crap shoot, I know, but... I'm trying.
Monday, April 21, 2014
10 Random Bits of Happiness
1. Too many cardinals to count, lately. Everywhere. A nesting pair in my back yard even, somewhere. Their song is so nearly constant I ALMOST take it for granted.
2. A nesting pair of Blue Jays in the Forsythia bush right outside my kitchen window. I removed the screen from the inside of the window today while they were gone so that I will be able to take pictures of the eggs and eventual babies in the nest.
3. Meeting, nearly 21 months after his birth, my great-nephew Bowen for the first time. He's every bit as fun and adorable as I have imagined him to be, and I got to spend quite a bit of time with him.
4. Getting to see both my nieces that I have not seen in also at least that long. They have grown from beautiful little girls into beautiful and wonderful women.
5. Spending part of Easter Day with 3 of my four kids, lunch with eldest daughter, early dinner with youngest daughter, and just hang-around time with second son. Eldest son was working too much overtime this weekend to be seen, but will see him tonight for dinner, I imagine.
6. Finally got all 10 of my elderberry bushes that I ordered last fall planted in the ground. All survived the winter on my porch in their shipping box, and still look very healthy.
7. It's been a week plus two weekends plus an extra day on each end of those weekends for spring break, and the weather the past two days here has been BEAUTIFUL. It is going to get crummy again tomorrow, as I head back to work. (yay!) (For crummy weather while at work, not for the 'heading back to work' part)
8. Speaking of work, I'm in the homestretch now. We are officially in the last quarter, the last ten weeks out of 40, before summer vacation, and that usually is the quickest quarter of the year as well.
9. I have read/finished two excellent books this week. Love having time to read.
10. We are FINALLY going to be replacing our ugly, beat up floor in the downstairs of our house, and I could not be more excited to finally begin some updating and work on our old, terrible house.
2. A nesting pair of Blue Jays in the Forsythia bush right outside my kitchen window. I removed the screen from the inside of the window today while they were gone so that I will be able to take pictures of the eggs and eventual babies in the nest.
3. Meeting, nearly 21 months after his birth, my great-nephew Bowen for the first time. He's every bit as fun and adorable as I have imagined him to be, and I got to spend quite a bit of time with him.
4. Getting to see both my nieces that I have not seen in also at least that long. They have grown from beautiful little girls into beautiful and wonderful women.
5. Spending part of Easter Day with 3 of my four kids, lunch with eldest daughter, early dinner with youngest daughter, and just hang-around time with second son. Eldest son was working too much overtime this weekend to be seen, but will see him tonight for dinner, I imagine.
6. Finally got all 10 of my elderberry bushes that I ordered last fall planted in the ground. All survived the winter on my porch in their shipping box, and still look very healthy.
7. It's been a week plus two weekends plus an extra day on each end of those weekends for spring break, and the weather the past two days here has been BEAUTIFUL. It is going to get crummy again tomorrow, as I head back to work. (yay!) (For crummy weather while at work, not for the 'heading back to work' part)
8. Speaking of work, I'm in the homestretch now. We are officially in the last quarter, the last ten weeks out of 40, before summer vacation, and that usually is the quickest quarter of the year as well.
9. I have read/finished two excellent books this week. Love having time to read.
10. We are FINALLY going to be replacing our ugly, beat up floor in the downstairs of our house, and I could not be more excited to finally begin some updating and work on our old, terrible house.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
"We are such stuff As dreams are made on..."
This year has been my worst EVER year of teaching in the 25+ years I have been in the classroom. Common Core is SO discouraging, so boring, so wrong. I hate it, and the kids hate it, and it is just plain bad teaching. And NYS's high stakes testing is also wrong, and makes me sick, on behalf of my kids. We have just finished my subject's portion of that last week, and it was bad. But worst of all, or maybe just most visible of all, is this year's group of students. Never have I had a group like them. Never in my life have I had a group that has caused me more stress, literally Every. Single. Day. There is no relief from it. Every day is just as bad as the one before. Thankfully (?), it is not just me... this group has caused the same stress to the other grade-level teacher who shares them with me, and to their "specials" teachers as well. One of those other teachers, who only has to deal with them for 40 minutes 3x a week, as opposed to all day every day, looked at me last week and said, "What is WRONG with this group of kids?" I wish I knew. More importantly, I wish I knew how to fix it, for their sake, and for mine. The stress is adding up, and I although I only have one more quarter of the year to go til summer vacation, it's winning. (Plus, I will have this exact same group NEXT year too - oh yippee. Talk about not excited to return from summer vacation next September...)
The signs are there. I've been ignoring them. I've tried very hard to convince myself that it really isn't all that bad, that I'm fine, that I'm just making a big deal out of nothing, and that I should just continue to try to shrug it off. And, in fact, that all may well be true. But my body has a way of getting my attention, no matter how much I try to pretend. I internalize stress to the nth degree. Two weeks ago my neck and shoulders and back were SO knotted up and tight and painful, I thought about seeking treatment. I always carry stress in my neck and shoulder area anyway, but this was notably worse. Then, last week, there was a burning sensation all week right in the middle of my back, like a muscle spasm. This weekend, I'm back to the knotted and painful neck and shoulder muscles. Grrr. I'm honestly not even sure a good massage could work out all the tightness.
Somewhere, a week or two ago, I had a disturbing dream along in there as well, about my classroom kids, where I actually saw my real students and used their real names. Normally, in my dreams, I can tell what I'm dreaming about, but the people aren't actually the real ones, or have different faces, or different names; the places are different, not necessarily real, or not real for the situation. I might dream I am in school, but the school isn't recognizable as MY school, it might actually look like a shopping mall or a church but somehow, in my dream, I know I'm in school. But last week, and then again last night, I had school dreams that were way too realistic. They were my students, in name and face and actions, and I was yelling at them for their behaviors. SCREAMING at them in frustration. I never do that in real life, though every single day I feel like it. In both dreams, I was soooooo frustrated, just screaming and yelling and trying to get them to do what they were supposed to, and they would not. I woke up more stressed than I was when I went to sleep.
It's not really a surprise. I'm smart enough to know that what I don't deal with in my waking world, my subconscious will try desperately to work out in my dream world. Earlier, I discovered, that when I was very worried about money, I would often dream about floors with holes in them I had to step over, or step around, worried about falling through. I had so many unsafe floor dreams it was crazy - I can even remember at least ten different unsafe floors - in a barn, in a log cabin loft, in several different vacation rental homes, etc. Once I figured out what the issue was, and dealt with it, the dreams quit. Now, clearly, these school dreams are not so cryptic. Clearly I am frustrated in my daily life to the point of wanting to scream, but knowing that is an unacceptable method of dealing with students, I sublimate it. Apparently it isn't even enough for me to be so stressed my back and neck and shoulders are hunched up like a troll. I need to vent in my dreams as well.
The real problem, besides hating the smell of Tiger Balm muscle rub, is that I'm beginning to take my SCHOOL stress out on other relationships in my life. Because I can't seem to deal with the kids, or Common Core, or State testing, in any way that alleviates the stress, I yell at other people for what I feel, in the moment, are legitimate issues, only to realize later when I've calmed down, that, normally, I would have just let THOSE things roll off my back. I understand it, but the other people in my life don't. I don't blame them. "Sorry, honey, I created WW3 in our home last night over "that" - it's not you, it's that I'm stressed at work." Yeah, I wouldn't buy it from another adult either. While it might be true, it IS completely unacceptable adult behavior.
So, where does that leave me? Besides sleepless and in pain and frustrated? Looking for solutions. I can't retire for 4 more years, so that's not one. My bathtub drain doesn't hold water, so a hot bubble bath isn't in the cards. I'm not much of a drinker, so drowning my sorrows is out. I don't have much time after work so a lengthy wander through the fields and forests, although soothing-sounding, isn't realistic. (nor do I have fields and forests at my disposal, so there's that, too, I guess, as a downside).And I no longer eat sugar, so I can't even binge on chocolate or ice cream and justify it as a stress reliever! Binging on broccoli just doesn't have the same allure. I don't know. I don't KNOW what the solution is, or solutions are. No matter what I've tried, all the same shit is just there waiting for me the next day, so any solution is only temporary. I've always been really good at just "adjusting my attitude," and I guess I thought I was still managing to do that, but apparently my back, and my dreams, say otherwise.
We are such stuff
As dreams are made on
Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/s/shakespeare_william_quotes.html#rkEmSagCu7kSGM5Q.99
We are such stuff
As dreams are made on
Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/s/shakespeare_william_quotes.html#rkEmSagCu7kSGM5Q.99
We are such stuff
As dreams are made on
Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/s/shakespeare_william_quotes.html#rkEmSagCu7kSGM5Q.99
The signs are there. I've been ignoring them. I've tried very hard to convince myself that it really isn't all that bad, that I'm fine, that I'm just making a big deal out of nothing, and that I should just continue to try to shrug it off. And, in fact, that all may well be true. But my body has a way of getting my attention, no matter how much I try to pretend. I internalize stress to the nth degree. Two weeks ago my neck and shoulders and back were SO knotted up and tight and painful, I thought about seeking treatment. I always carry stress in my neck and shoulder area anyway, but this was notably worse. Then, last week, there was a burning sensation all week right in the middle of my back, like a muscle spasm. This weekend, I'm back to the knotted and painful neck and shoulder muscles. Grrr. I'm honestly not even sure a good massage could work out all the tightness.
Somewhere, a week or two ago, I had a disturbing dream along in there as well, about my classroom kids, where I actually saw my real students and used their real names. Normally, in my dreams, I can tell what I'm dreaming about, but the people aren't actually the real ones, or have different faces, or different names; the places are different, not necessarily real, or not real for the situation. I might dream I am in school, but the school isn't recognizable as MY school, it might actually look like a shopping mall or a church but somehow, in my dream, I know I'm in school. But last week, and then again last night, I had school dreams that were way too realistic. They were my students, in name and face and actions, and I was yelling at them for their behaviors. SCREAMING at them in frustration. I never do that in real life, though every single day I feel like it. In both dreams, I was soooooo frustrated, just screaming and yelling and trying to get them to do what they were supposed to, and they would not. I woke up more stressed than I was when I went to sleep.
It's not really a surprise. I'm smart enough to know that what I don't deal with in my waking world, my subconscious will try desperately to work out in my dream world. Earlier, I discovered, that when I was very worried about money, I would often dream about floors with holes in them I had to step over, or step around, worried about falling through. I had so many unsafe floor dreams it was crazy - I can even remember at least ten different unsafe floors - in a barn, in a log cabin loft, in several different vacation rental homes, etc. Once I figured out what the issue was, and dealt with it, the dreams quit. Now, clearly, these school dreams are not so cryptic. Clearly I am frustrated in my daily life to the point of wanting to scream, but knowing that is an unacceptable method of dealing with students, I sublimate it. Apparently it isn't even enough for me to be so stressed my back and neck and shoulders are hunched up like a troll. I need to vent in my dreams as well.
The real problem, besides hating the smell of Tiger Balm muscle rub, is that I'm beginning to take my SCHOOL stress out on other relationships in my life. Because I can't seem to deal with the kids, or Common Core, or State testing, in any way that alleviates the stress, I yell at other people for what I feel, in the moment, are legitimate issues, only to realize later when I've calmed down, that, normally, I would have just let THOSE things roll off my back. I understand it, but the other people in my life don't. I don't blame them. "Sorry, honey, I created WW3 in our home last night over "that" - it's not you, it's that I'm stressed at work." Yeah, I wouldn't buy it from another adult either. While it might be true, it IS completely unacceptable adult behavior.
So, where does that leave me? Besides sleepless and in pain and frustrated? Looking for solutions. I can't retire for 4 more years, so that's not one. My bathtub drain doesn't hold water, so a hot bubble bath isn't in the cards. I'm not much of a drinker, so drowning my sorrows is out. I don't have much time after work so a lengthy wander through the fields and forests, although soothing-sounding, isn't realistic. (nor do I have fields and forests at my disposal, so there's that, too, I guess, as a downside).And I no longer eat sugar, so I can't even binge on chocolate or ice cream and justify it as a stress reliever! Binging on broccoli just doesn't have the same allure. I don't know. I don't KNOW what the solution is, or solutions are. No matter what I've tried, all the same shit is just there waiting for me the next day, so any solution is only temporary. I've always been really good at just "adjusting my attitude," and I guess I thought I was still managing to do that, but apparently my back, and my dreams, say otherwise.
Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/s/shakespeare_william_quotes.html#rkEmSagCu7kSGM5Q.99
Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/s/shakespeare_william_quotes.html#rkEmSagCu7kSGM5Q.99
Read more at http://www.notable-quotes.com/s/shakespeare_william_quotes.html#rkEmSagCu7kSGM5Q.99
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