Thursday, December 2, 2010

Don't Worry, Be Happy

     I'm not quite sure what's going on, but I have been seriously HAPPY for ... hmmm, almost two solid weeks now.  Weird. I don't know why. It's a little bit frightening to me. I'm not generally a "HAPPY" person. Happy enough, but not SO happy that people comment on it, and not SO happy that I actually stop to think about it. I tend to usually be a little bit on the "low" side.  Not depressed, by any means, but just always a little low, a little tired, unmotivated, disinterested at times. Blah., Just blah. And, you have to understand, this time of year, especially, lest you think that is what is making me happy - THIS time of year, is normally cause for a major funk. Christmas is SO not my thing.  I am usually so miserable at the mere mention of Christmas that I can barely function. I feel guilty even thinking about how much of a kill-joy I usually am at this time of year. I've managed to really ruin Christmas for everyone several years. So, what's up this year?  I guess I haven't really had enough time to sit and analyze it yet, to get to the bottom of it, so in the meantime, it's just kind of freaking me out, but in a good way.
     Usually, this time of year, I"m looking for something, anything, to drag myself up out of my morose anti-Christmas pit (it's not Christmas itself I hate - it's the too much money spent, the over commercialism, the desperate fear that my gift choices will be all wrong, or that I won't have enough, that my kids will be disappointed, etc. etc. I just am so consumed by my fears of buying the wrong thing, or worse - forgetting too many things - Christmas, with all that needs to be done, bought, wrapped, baked, mailed, stocking-stuffed, remembered, is serious hell for someone with as serious a case of ADD as I have- is just not fun - it's hard, hard work for me, and so stressful...)ANYWAY...
     One of the things that I try to do that helps is to buy a new Christmas CD every year.  I don't listen to music much anymore,  Another long story for some other day, but I do still listen to Christmas music - either to try to be happier, or, in the case of this year, to extend the happiness on purpose. I've gotten lucky some years, have discovered some really good musicians and some really unique and beautiful Christmas music: Shawn Colvin, for one, and Nettwerk Christmas, Sara McLachlan, Bare Naked Ladies.  Some, not so great. I picked up James Taylor's Christmas album a year or two ago, and HATE it. I used to love JT, but not so much anymore, I guess. (You know you're getting old when the music you like best is "old" music, or a musicians "old stuff." ) Last year, I "discovered" the Christmas music of "Straight, No Chaser" and that was fantastic. I shouldn't say "was" - I still love it, and will get it out soon. But today, I made an intentional purchase of a Christmas CD, and it did nothing but totally boost my already awesome mood, all the way home from a workshop I went to for school today:  Celtic Woman: "A Christmas Celebration."

A couple of years ago, just by chance, I caught a Celtic Woman special , live on PBS,  Christmas Eve evening, and it was just plain magical. It was at a castle, I think,  and the lights, and their beautiful wispy scarves, their gorgeous dresses and their voices, their movements, everything, just sort of came together to be so ethereal, so beautiful. How I forgot about it, I have no idea, and why I happened to remember it, to remember their music, this year, I also have no idea. But I'm glad I did. Walmart. $10.00.  I put it on in the truck today, and it is every bit as beautiful as it was live on TV. Worth every penny. It would make me happy if I were feeling miserable, I know it would.  But since I am NOT miserable, since I am mysteriously, weirdly, boyantly HAPPY, it was even better. I can't wait to put it on at school tomorrow, on my computer, and make my roomie at work deliriously happy as well!!  :)


Peruby said...

Just my point of view - but it could be the blogging. Purging your feelings out can really relieve stress and depression. I have used a journal (written in a notebook and posted here) for over 30 years and I have to say it is the best therapy!

Somebody let me borrow Susan Boyle's Christmas CD "The Gift" yesterday and though I am not a fan of hers, I really enjoyed most of the songs. I download my music from mp3panda, and will probably get a couple of her songs there.

And one more thing - I caught the same PBS show on Celtic women! You are so right, it was great!

I hope that your happy mood is a new trend and continues throughout the year and many more to come.

Leigh said...

I agree with peruby. It helps to let things go. I think that you are probably on to something as far as the music helping. It helps me a lot... but I can be just about down right jolly most of the time. Glad to see you chipper. O and I really like the Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas Cd. I have been buying a new Christmas cd every year since I was left my grandfathers collection when he passed almost 9 years ago...(dont tell anyone but... sha... I listen to them all year long) :-)
Happy Holidays. ;)

Dog Hair in my Coffee said...

I thought about Susan Boyle's cd this year, because I was as "wowed" as everyone else by her "Britain's Got Talent" show - but I wasn't sure. TSO and Mannheim Steamroller are two of my every year favorites. I love them.
And it could be that blogging helps. I do know I love writing, and love the friends I've made here. I think it might also be a little bit of hopefulness in beginning to address some of the serious financial issues here. Maybe just knowing there is a light, even though it's far away, is better than sitting in complete darkness!! Thanks, you guys.