I'm not quite sure what's going on, but I have been seriously HAPPY for ... hmmm, almost two solid weeks now. Weird. I don't know why. It's a little bit frightening to me. I'm not generally a "HAPPY" person. Happy enough, but not SO happy that people comment on it, and not SO happy that I actually stop to think about it. I tend to usually be a little bit on the "low" side. Not depressed, by any means, but just always a little low, a little tired, unmotivated, disinterested at times. Blah., Just blah. And, you have to understand, this time of year, especially, lest you think that is what is making me happy - THIS time of year, is normally cause for a major funk. Christmas is SO not my thing. I am usually so miserable at the mere mention of Christmas that I can barely function. I feel guilty even thinking about how much of a kill-joy I usually am at this time of year. I've managed to really ruin Christmas for everyone several years. So, what's up this year? I guess I haven't really had enough time to sit and analyze it yet, to get to the bottom of it, so in the meantime, it's just kind of freaking me out, but in a good way.
Usually, this time of year, I"m looking for something, anything, to drag myself up out of my morose anti-Christmas pit (it's not Christmas itself I hate - it's the too much money spent, the over commercialism, the desperate fear that my gift choices will be all wrong, or that I won't have enough, that my kids will be disappointed, etc. etc. I just am so consumed by my fears of buying the wrong thing, or worse - forgetting too many things - Christmas, with all that needs to be done, bought, wrapped, baked, mailed, stocking-stuffed, remembered, is serious hell for someone with as serious a case of ADD as I have- is just not fun - it's hard, hard work for me, and so stressful...)ANYWAY...
One of the things that I try to do that helps is to buy a new Christmas CD every year. I don't listen to music much anymore, Another long story for some other day, but I do still listen to Christmas music - either to try to be happier, or, in the case of this year, to extend the happiness on purpose. I've gotten lucky some years, have discovered some really good musicians and some really unique and beautiful Christmas music: Shawn Colvin, for one, and Nettwerk Christmas, Sara McLachlan, Bare Naked Ladies. Some, not so great. I picked up James Taylor's Christmas album a year or two ago, and HATE it. I used to love JT, but not so much anymore, I guess. (You know you're getting old when the music you like best is "old" music, or a musicians "old stuff." ) Last year, I "discovered" the Christmas music of "Straight, No Chaser" and that was fantastic. I shouldn't say "was" - I still love it, and will get it out soon. But today, I made an intentional purchase of a Christmas CD, and it did nothing but totally boost my already awesome mood, all the way home from a workshop I went to for school today: Celtic Woman: "A Christmas Celebration."
A couple of years ago, just by chance, I caught a Celtic Woman special , live on PBS, Christmas Eve evening, and it was just plain magical. It was at a castle, I think, and the lights, and their beautiful wispy scarves, their gorgeous dresses and their voices, their movements, everything, just sort of came together to be so ethereal, so beautiful. How I forgot about it, I have no idea, and why I happened to remember it, to remember their music, this year, I also have no idea. But I'm glad I did. Walmart. $10.00. I put it on in the truck today, and it is every bit as beautiful as it was live on TV. Worth every penny. It would make me happy if I were feeling miserable, I know it would. But since I am NOT miserable, since I am mysteriously, weirdly, boyantly HAPPY, it was even better. I can't wait to put it on at school tomorrow, on my computer, and make my roomie at work deliriously happy as well!! :)