A Light Dawns

     I have another post I'm working on, trying to explain all the good that has happened lately, and why, but it is a complicated post. I've been thinking on it for two weeks. I'll get there, when it gels a bit more. In the meantime, today is the end of my week's break, and I'm sad about that, but happy that I've had such a relaxing, do-nothing, and therefore awesome, week off.
     Today, though, I think I FINALLY discovered why my house is not pristinely clean and sterile, the way I'd like it to be, and why I never am caught up on school work.  I started out the day studiously attempting to do lesson plans, and work on my interim assessment that was due several weeks ago. And I DID actually get some work done. But along with a SMALL amount of work, these are the other things that we did around here today:

• let the dogs in and out... about a million times
• made strawberry jam out of the left over strawberries that I didn't want to go to waste
• made home made 7 grain bread
• made home made vegetable soup
• fed the rabbit
• fed the chickens
• let the dogs in and out, at least another hundred times
• changed the sheets
• washed,dried, and folded 7  or 8 loads of laundry
• made vegetable beef soup
• wrote checks and addressed envelopes
• had a great on-line chat about the Iditarod and mushers and life in Alaska
• built a fire in the fireplace
• made two blackberry pies
• boiled the juice from the thawing berries down to make syrup
• talked to my daughter at college twice
• texted a few times
• finished sewing the last door curtain for my classroom
• found the material and rubber stamps in the basement I needed for some sewing and crafts when I have time in the next week or two

AND, the list goes on and on. It's not that I did all this stuff by myself. I didn't. I had help. But it IS the reason that, between all of us here, the house is not spotless. We have hobbies, and do a lot of living here. We usually eat good food, not food out of boxes. We freeze, and can and cook, and sew and play and clean when we can, and try to be good people. I guess that simply means that the vacuuming, and picking up, and paper grading, and kitchen floor washing will get done, but only when they rise to the top of the priority list, not on a regular schedule. It's ok. At least I finally understand why it doesn't just happen.  You'd think that realization might have come to me a few years back, say, oh, about 25 years ago when I began "keeping house" here. But, better late than never. I can go to sleep on clean sheets tonight, finally at peace with understanding WHY a clean house just doesn't happen here often enough. But, the strawberry jam on my toast in the morning will taste pretty darn good, I think. :)

Hope is a Good Motivator

     I look back at the last time I posted, realizing it was the last time I felt even remotely like putting words on a paper until just the past couple of days.  Christmas is, hands down, THE most stressful time or event of my entire year. And, right after Christmas, we settle in to that (for me) dreaded month of January. It has been an odd winter this year, the least winter-like winter we've had in memory. Today is February 12th, and although there is snow in the air today, and maybe an inch or two on the ground from yesterday, it is the most snow we have had all winter. It has not been particularly cold, nor snowy, but it HAS been cloudy, dreary and grey too many days. That affects my mood, drastically. And I have been SO unmotivated these past two months. I haven't felt like writing. Or reading. Or sewing, or baking or ANYTHING. My internal wheels have been spinning nonstop, though. I guess that's almost the unfortuate part of being an introspective person to begin with, and then, to combine that with a month with no external motivation to do anything BUT think.... I"m not sure if the end product of all that thinking will be good or bad. I guess it depends on who's perspective you get  - 
     -right now I am awaiting a decision, hopefully tomorrow, which could begin to put the wheels in motion for the first of MANY changes. Maybe, maybe not. I just know that IF the answer is "yes," then I am poised on the edge of some beautiful and scary changes - beginning in May. If the answer is "no," then the changes may still be there, they will just be more difficult to make and could have far more serious consequences. I am praying very hard for a "yes," even a grudging one, and then will let you know. The thing is, that this weekend, before that answer, there is HOPE. And I have not felt hopeful, have not looked forward, to anything this good for quite some time, so even the hope feels good. Hope motivates. I cleaned out the entire living room yesterday - sorted all bookshelves, book cupboards, got rid of lots of excess, scrubbed, dusted, etc. I was productive, with something to show for it, for the first time in ages. I am now about to go upstairs to work on our bedroom - sorting clothes, books, etc. up there. I know it will be another productive day. If the answer is "no" tomorrow, then I know that any motivation I currently have will slam to a halt, and it will take FOREVER to dig myself out of the disappointment. UGH. Not looking forward to having to deal with myself if that is the case. I LIKE feeling happy, hopeful, and motivated. Don't we all. Well, off to clean the bedroom before I lose that motivation, however fleeting it MAY be....fingers crossed for tomorrow.